Teaching Your Granny to Suck Eggs

Don't empty the shredder without unplugging it first. You may accidentally switch it on.

Check documents before shredding. The reverse button doesn't join up all the shredded bits.

Don't do this ...

A reader's story. She has asked that her identity be changed to avoid a (bigger) rid neck.

Agnes woke up on Saturday with a really painful leg/back. She so wanted to stay at home to feel sorry for herself but manged to get dressed and get to work. The painkillers were taking longer than usual to kick in and although she had been trying to keep busy, the pain was foremost in her mind. As a result, she decided to do some knitting to see if that would take her mind off it.

Feeling cold and shivery, despite the weather being a bit warmer, Agnes switched on the heater, sat as close to it as possible and continued with the little project she was working on. It was a pretty little thing - a mini baby shawl. Agnes had chosen the pattern carefully, something simple with a little texture. A little sample of knitting to show customers the beauty of Jamieson's Ultra (Scottish, woollen and fine). The pattern was simple - a texured square centre with a band of peaks around the edge - and Agnes was working on the centre square as she knitted. A four row pattern (two of which were knit) and a four stitch repeat (the first and third row wre identical, except the third row started four stitches along). Just the thing .. not as boring as stocking stitch but just enough to have her thinking while not thinking.

However, Agnes should have known better. As she knitted, she could feel her eyes rolling then closing.Oh no! Not the lethal combination of strong painkillers and direct heat from the heater? But yes! Agnes had forgotten her bad habit of falling asleep anytime, anywhere without warning and that the application of heat was a particularly nasty catalyst. She had not even considered the evil 'drowsiness' side effect of the tablets she was taking to help her through the day.

As she knitted, she snoozed. As she snoozed, she would come too with a start. As she came too with a start, she would check her knitting, make any adjustments necessary, then carry on knitting ... but the cycle would begin again .. and again.. and again. Finally, there was no option but to proceed with the antidote.

On her return from partaking of some fresh air, Agnes decided that perhaps it was not a good idea to knit while she was capable of sleeping on the job. In addition, she had almost been caught a few times. Thank Goodness for old-fashhioned shop door-bells.

Agnes put her knitting away with a sigh, but as she did so, she had a quick check to make sure all was well with the rows she had completed during this time. They looked fine!

The workday finally over, Agnes headed home, looking forward to an evening of relaxation. She would watch Monarchy for an hour, then the Josephs and then Casualty and do lots of knitting all the while. The evening went to plan, surprisingly for Agnes, and by the time she was ready for bed, the centre of the mini shawl was half-complete.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and after breakfast, Agnes had a wee peak at her knitting in the sunshine streaming through the window. One glance was all it took to see the awful sight of a mistake half way down. Probably, this woud have gone undetected, but Agnes knew it was there! So much for the easy pattern! And, with the sound of 'Croak, croak' ringing in her head, the task of frogging was undertaken. Right back to where she had started the day before.

Agnes vowed then, never again to knit full of painkillers right in front of a heater.

So ... don't knit when you are likely to fall asleep while you are doing it - unless it is stocking stitch or a pattern where any mistakes are glaringly obvious.

Hmm. Something similar happened to me! Anyway, I have a sore leg/back too. Yes, just like Agnes.

I was sooo looking forward to the SnK today. It was in a different venue and I hadn't been for a while. However, I'm afraid the sore leg won the 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go' debate. I wouldn't have enjoyed it and I'm finding it harder to put on the 'face'. You know, the 'I'm fine' look. I think my eyes are giving me away. However, the reason I wanted to go despite the leg was that I had offered the shop as an alternative venue while the Tramway was unavailable and I didn't want anyone to think I was in some way peeved at not being chosen. Plus, what if people thought I wouldn't have turned up if the the shop had been chosen and they were left hanging about outside. (Er .. I would have been there with bells on and a smile cutting my head in two). But TB said that they'd understand and no-one would think anything of the sort. If I went today, I'd feel the worse for it later and it would do me good to have a rest. So .. stayed at home and slept through it. Painkillers are taking longer to kick in - usually about 11am but afternoon now. IMHO, I'm sure I have a urine infection again and by coincidence have the nerve thing too. Gonna take some p** to the doc tomorrow if I remember.

By for now ... and remember the wise words above.